learning to [graciously] say NO

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One of the things I learned this year is the importance of saying "No". This two-lettered word used to be one of the most difficult things for me to say. Saying "No" to easily offended people used to feel like being on the edge of a cliff: a strong gust of wind, a wrong step, some loose rocks, and I'd be falling to the ground below. 

me!
Me on a ledge at Grand Canyon West's Guano Point, about 4000 feet above the Colorado River. 
Photo by Biboy.

Opportunities this year have helped me get over the fear of conflict: expressing my unavailability or disagreement has become a lot easier. Thanks to attempting to be more straightforward, I may have successfully earned the ire of some people or have come across as mataray to others, particularly to those who are used to the always-agreeable-me. From what I am learning all throughout the year, there's a way of saying "No" without hurting other people's feelings. Until I've mastered this level of diplomacy, I would appreciate it if people alert me when the way I say "No" offends them.

On the other side of the coin, I am learning to appreciate people who say "No". And there are only a handful of people I know who do so. Just imagine how difficult an event coordinator's job is and how much money and food are wasted when guests fail to RSVP, or when they say "yes, I'm attending" only to back out at the last moment with some lame excuse. And these people don't say "No" because they're probably afraid of losing face or of offending the hosts. Answering "Maybe" at the first instance is all right, especially when one's schedule isn't confirmed yet; but "Maybe" isn't the final answer. A "Yes" or a "No" is still expected to follow the "Maybe".

"No". A very short word, yet one of the most difficult to say graciously. However, a straight "No" is much better than no answer at all.

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