on reading Bringing Up Bébé (2014)

Since the baby and I are past halfway with our second trimester, I started reading up on books narrating the experiences of other mothers. One of the books on my reading list is "Bringing Up Bébé" by Pamela Druckerman. The author apparently claims, in a nutshell, that the French parents make child rearing look much easier than Americans. French kids sleep through the night early on as babies, are mostly not overweight as toddlers despite not being picky with food, and are boisterous when playing but parents do not helicopter over them. 

Enough to pique any first-time mother's curiosity, right? 

Instead of buying a copy of the book, I opted to borrow one from the county library. I find time to read it while running code and while waiting for my mom to get out of the office. It proves to be an interesting read.

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Reading Pamela Druckerman’s “Bringing Up Bébé” til January 21st (the book’s return date at the #claytoncommunitylibrary). Why buy a book when you can borrow it from the library, right? 😁 . Any other parenting book recommendations?

A post shared by Rochie Cuevas (@rochiecuevas) on Jan 5, 2020 at 9:57pm PST

The book highlights the societal structure that has been put in place that allows the French mother to balance her career with her maternal role. For example, the French parent leaves the child at the crèche—public daycare centre—where the child will learn how to socialise and live within the French system of behavioural boundaries called cadre. Moreover, parents receive some form of monetary allowance and postpartum support from government welfare employees.  In contrast, American parents (according to the author) do not have these government-established support system. 

The starker contrast she points out in the book is the parent's attitude. American parents, according to her, verge on the neurotic in ensuring that their children exceed developmental milestones. This leads the parent to hover over the child while providing a blow-by-blow narration of what's going on in the child's environment. French parents, she says, are more laidback. They allow the child to immerse in his/her environment to fully experience it without the incessant voice-over. They also provide strong boundaries which the child cannot cross (i.e., helping the child to develop good manners and allowing the parents some room to breathe). Within these boundaries, however, the child has a lot of freedom. The French parent expose his/her child to different tastes and textures of food, developing a gastronomic experience for the child; the American parent, on the other hand, agonises the picky eater and bends to the child's whims and demands (e.g., for candy).

My brother and sister-in-law have read tbe book too, before Gabriel was born. But my brother's take on the book is less accepting: the book does not advocate breastfeeding, something that he fully supports, for example. In my case, I read it differently: this book is an anecdotal account of one's parenthood in France. It does not advocate a particular philosophy but rather present differences between her observations of French and American parents. I find it hilarious and eye-opening at the same time. My reading, of course, has been influenced by my research training experience... I tend to read a lot of material and form my own insights based on the patterns and trends that I've seen. Also, I treat this book as entertainment (an easy read in contrast to the technical papers I go through when I write scientific papers), not as a set of instructions (like the "What to Expect When Your Expecting", probably).