Crying as a weapon of manipulation?

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As I grow into my role as a mom, I realise that there are two camps about toddlers' crying and whining. On the one hand, parents believe that toddlers have some episodes of fake crying in which they try to manipulate parents into doing what their toddlers want. On the other, parents believe that crying is a form of communication, especially for pre-verbal toddlers (the tantrums become less frequent as toddlers learn to say what they need).

The parents who believe tantrums are "weapons of manipulation" (I actually heard someone say this) prescribe ignoring the behaviour. "Don't add fuel to the fire", so to speak. For example, if a toddler had a minor fall, parents should help the toddler brush themselves off and encourage the toddler to continue playing instead of showing sympathy or giving extra attention; otherwise, the toddler learns that each time he falls, his parent(s) will dote on them even more.

The parents who believe that tantrums are a mode of communication believe that toddlers become frustrated because they cannot tell their parent(s) what exactly they want. Moreover, the emotional part of the toddler's brain is still under development. Hence, parents have to expect toddlers to cry and throw a tantrum if they are overwhelmed by their environment. Looking at behavioural patterns is not limited to the tantrums; rather, the parent(s) tries to see what else is going on and what triggers the tantrums. If the toddler was in a playful, rowdy mood during nap time in daycare, they would most likely be overtired and throw tantrums in the afternoon. If the toddler was hungry, throwing a fit may mean that his parent(s) haven't understood his communication attempts or were not paying attention to them.

No matter how parents approach tantrums, I think how they describe their child's tantrums matters because it gives an insight into the type of parenting they do and the type of parenting they had received as children.

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