A glimpse into the baby sleep industry: Sleep training

Preparing for the arrival of my firstborn included signing up for a few childbirth and parenting classes in the hospital where I was going to give birth. The COVID-19 epidemic halted all social events, including classes so I was resigned to the thought that I was just going to read the articles that the hospital sent me and watch their lectures recorded as videos. But before I was even ready to "nest" after submitting the last of my deliverables as a consultant, I found myself in hospital already giving birth because of complications discovered during my routine check up on Week 37. No birth plan in place; was about to wing parenting from in on out. I am fortunate that my parents and siblings are present to give support during their free time because Val and I are physically separated by the Pacific Ocean and the pandemic.

The first weeks of being a mom was difficult. I often only had 30–45 minutes per day to spare during the first two weeks. Should I use the bathroom, eat a meal, wash the baby's bottles, or sleep? I couldn't find a good way of describing it until I saw this post on Instagram:

Desperate to find more opportunities for me to sleep, I started poring through articles online and through books to find ways of putting the wee one to sleep. Sounds selfish? I think not. If I am well-rested, I'd be able to care for him much better. Also, if he's able to sleep through the night and to take good naps, he won't be overtired and stressed out.

I encountered "sleep training" as a means to get baby to sleep through the night. Some child psychologists say this is very important because we teach the baby to sleep. Other psychologists, in contrast, say that children are hard-wired to sleep so we just need to provide environments conducive to sleep. Many of the sleep training methods involve crying out through the night; then there are "gentle" sleep training methods that claim that babies won't cry through the process. Note, learning how to do any of these methods may require the assistance of a sleep consultant or the purchase of a sleep expert's book... and there are so many of these reference materials out there ready for bleary-eyed picking! 

A bit of understanding of human physiology and child development (thank you HFDS 11 and 12!) have made me pause about sleep training my wee one. As a baby gets tired, for instance, he/she accumulates the stress hormone cortisol. If a baby cries out through the night, he'd have so much cortisol that he'd be so stressed out, even dejected, because nobody went to his rescue when he cried for help. Sleep pressure then induces him to la-la-land but the stress hormone concentration has already increased... a sad development (something I can't stand). The gentle methods sound promising but I don't know if I have the perseverance to not rip the band-aid so to speak. But in general, whether it's cry-it-out or gentle approach, each of the methods described by the experts seem to subscribe to a model that fits all babies. What about the baby's temperament? Doesn't it figure into how a baby is lulled to sleep?

A lot of articles online emphasise putting the baby in bed while drowsy, not fully asleep. I tried that because it seemed to be a very gentle approach to lulling the wee one to sleep. After cleaning him, changing his diaper, feeding him, and burping him, I began practicing putting him in the bassinet drowsy but awake when he was eight to 12 weeks old. However, it's taking too much effort to re-settle him when he'd be jolted awake after feeling the bassinet on his back. It just wasn't working: instead of him getting some rest, I'd been putting him in and out of the bassinet ad nauseam. He probably became literally nauseated too, with the amount of spit ups soaking my clothes during those days. So even the drowsy-but-awake approach (many non-sleep trainers recommend this) has been scratched off my list. 

So obviously, I decided to not be a fan of sleep training (and thereby spend hundreds of dollars on hiring a sleep consultant). The alternative is to provide a good sleeping environment and trust that the baby will go to sleep on his own. I switch all the lights off in our bedroom when the little one is about to doze off for the night. I try to minimise the light coming from the other parts of the house and from windows. His bassinet only has a mattress pad; there are no toys, bumpers, mobiles to distract him (yeah, he'll be so bored in his bassinet that he just might fall asleep). And there's white noise to keep the sounds from outside the bedroom out of the bedroom.

I also now follow Dr Pamela Douglas' philosophy on baby sleep (the Possums approach): as long as the baby's appetites for nourishment (milk) and sensory stimulation are satisfied, the baby will have a relatively easy time falling asleep. So I make sure to feed him when he's hungry (which is roughly every 150–180 minutes now). I take him out on a morning stroll (a good way to fill up his sensory bank) when he wakes up; except during heatwaves. If he starts his nap while we're strolling, I'd extend our stroll for 20 more minutes before returning home and putting him in the bassinet. In the afternoon, I make sure that he has some tummy time, he has enjoyed action songs, and he has lots of time to play with toys or to observe sunbeams, leaves swaying in the wind, or to say the names of items attracting his attention. I don't carry him as much now as before, even though I still rock him to sleep, because he's heavier and he's spending more time playing. Also, it's much easier for me to lull him to sleep because he's not bored in between naps.

Is the approach I adapted sustainable in the long run? Only time and the aftermath of possible sleep regressions will tell. But as long as he seems to enjoy his wakeful moments, feeds well, and sleeps well, I'm happy to rock him to sleep without sleep training.