And now for the baby blues

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After the adrenaline rush of delivering my baby, I started to settle down with the realities of parenting. The first few days were a blur of endless and sleepless cycles of diaper changes, feeds, and burps. Fortunately, I have a strong village supporting me as I embark on being a first-time mom. My parents and my sister are wonderful at helping me out because they take over each time I'm too tired to stand up or am experiencing chills (thanks to hormonal imbalance). Biboy, Barbara, and Gabriel also provide a lot of emotional support each time we chat over FaceTime; Gabriel, particularly, provides a lot of laughter with his toddler antics. Val, despite being on the other side of the Pacific, provides comfort and support each time we talk (either via FaceTime or Skype); he gives me an intellectual break from the feeding cycles by discussing updates in his work and asking me for my inputs... he's also just a message away when I need to vent. And his typical way of asking how I'm doing: Were you able to sleep?

Anna, Mommy, and Daddy taking a break from babysitting

But even with a strong support system in place, I am experiencing the baby blues. As I write this post, I have had a few crying episodes already; I attribute them to exhaustion (I do the night feeds alone because Mommy, Daddy, and Anna have work in the morning), to the shock that comes after an adrenaline rush (like when my car was broadsided in Pansol; but in this case, my surprise delivery), and to the pesky postpartum hormonal imbalance.

Mentally, I know that I am okay. Emotionally, that's a different story. As a scientist, I know that I have to get to the bottom of my version of the baby blues so I can figure out how to manage this emotional roller coaster. I know that the baby blues is just a temporary period of adjustment for me and I can get out of it because I also felt this sense of sinking in quicksand when I was a PhD student (I ended up eating high-energy, caffeinated junk food while writing my PhD thesis manuscript, for example, because I was just utterly exhausted). As back in those days, I just have to find out what triggers make me sad or downright weepy (hence the unhealthy eating habit as a coping mechanism) and find a way to deal with it (or them).

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UPDATE:

A few weeks postpartum, I think I am slowly getting a handle of things. I'm starting to learn to tune out the wee one's crying so I can concentrate in changing his nappies and prepping for the next round of feeding, while talking him through the whole process. I'm getting used to the repetitive nature of feeding, burping, and changing diapers... and I'm learning the principle of "reframing" presented in The Danish Way of Parenting: the Danes are known to be "realistic optimists". They use language to express things in a less brutal way. So, in my case, the wee one's crying episodes aren't irritating and worrisome; instead, these show how strong his lungs are. His nightly feeds make me lose sleep but these also show that he requires a lot of food because he is growing fast. His diaper changes are no longer tedious because I'm getting good at it; also, these show that his digestive and urinary tracts are working well. My arms are tired from all the carrying but the wee one's weight gain is helping me maintain muscle tone and indicates that he is growing well.

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