Why do babies cry? 7 possible reasons

I am certainly not a baby whisperer. I am definitely hacking my way every day in my parenting journey. Ever since my son has been born, he's had crying episodes that could last minutes or hours. And my instinct tells me I should respond to my child's cries; this is contrary to parenting experts' advice of waiting to see if the baby will self-soothe. After all, during the early days, a baby's only way of communicating is through crying. Note that I don't believe that babies can manipulate parents and caregivers; hence, it is always wise to respond to a baby's cries.

But how do I respond if I don't know WHY he's crying?

During the first few weeks, everything was guesswork. But as my son grew out of the newborn stage and into the infant stage, I started hearing nuances in his cries. At last, I think I'm getting a grasp at what he wants to say! I probably have figured out some of the cries. But he's growing mentally every single day, so what's correct now might not be tomorrow.

Here are a few reasons why my son cries, based on my (in)experience as a first-time mom:

"My diaper is dirty."

My son does not enjoy a wet and slippery diaper, and wet clothes; this dislike of dirty, leaky diapers began when he was three weeks old, I think. Back then, I often misinterpreted his cries as demands for additional milk, not realising immediately that he'd pooed in this diaper already.

I used to be dependent on the appearance of the blue wetness indicator in diapers to figure out when his diaper was due to be changed. But thanks to Honest Diapers which do not have those wetness indicators, I learned to check how bulged his diaper is or what his butt smells like before changing his diaper.

"I'm hungry."

Always a valid reason, actually, except that crying is a late cue for hunger. I used to struggle to figure out if his cries were about dirty nappies or tummy rumbles. The good thing is that it's relatively easy to decipher: offer milk and the crying stops almost immediately if he's crying because of hunger.

Since crying is a late hunger cue, I closely observed my son for other signs. It turns out his other hunger cues at 24 weeks are smacking of his lips (which he did on rare occasions), chewing on anything, and drooling.

"Why are we stopping playtime now?"

Most recently, I have started hearing more complaints or cries when I carry him off from the playmat and onto the changing table. He'd bawl for the duration of the diapering change but stop crying almost immediately when I pick him up. This shows that he understands that he can actually protest now; a difficult thing for a parent but a wonderful cognitive development for a child.

I know when he is crying in protest because once playtime resumes, he's back to his jolly self.

"What took you so long?"

Right after he turned six months, my son started having crying fits when he's being cared for by my parents or my sister for more than one hour (he previously loved being with them). We first observed this when I was with Mommy in Emeryville. My son just kept crying in my sister's arms. The second time we noticed this was the afternoon after my son's vaccination appointment. I had to go to my OBGYN appointment and then pick up Mommy from work. Suffice it to say that I was away from my son the whole afternoon. After picking up Mommy, we were planning to buy my son's first solid food; but Daddy called, asking us to go home ASAP because my son wouldn't stop crying.

As soon as I got him, my son calmed down and became a smiley baby again.

"My toy is too far away!"

At this point, my son is capable of rolling from back to tummy, and then from tummy to back. He's not quite able to crawl yet, though I've seen his attempts at it. Despite the challenges of crawling, the ability to roll has made him excited because he can now reach everything he wants... or NOT!

When he has set his eyes on a faraway toy that he can't reach by stretching his arms out, he starts crying. He actually forgot that just a few weeks ago, he's able to crawl backward as if he's doing backstrokes.

Honestly, I am torn between swooping in to help (by moving the toy ever slightly closer to him) and allowing him to work things out (by finding a technique to shimmy his way to the toy) because the recommendations given by Janet Lansbury and the RIE is about allowing the baby to figure things out at his own pace.

"I am sleepy!"

Many sleep consultants mention watching the clock to prevent the baby from being overtired. I've read the tenet "Sleep begets sleep" so many times ever since I've given birth; it's as if a mom's success depends upon how easy it is to get the baby to sleep and totally miss out on other experiences that should enrich the baby's senses.

Though I agree that I should provide opportunities for my son to nap, I don't want to stay in a darkened room all day just to get him to sleep. Instead, I watch for sleep cues. Pamela Douglas mentioned that parents and caregivers are the experts about their babies; perhaps, each baby has a different set of sleepy cues. In my son's case, he has mannerisms that tell me that he's sleepy. If I miss those, he starts crying as if I've done a most terrible thing. And once he's hyped up like that, it'd take me a long time to get him calm and sleepy.

I do watch the clock in case my son's sleep cues are so subtle that I miss them (like when he's playing on his second wind). Even if I haven't seen a cue, I start rocking him and singing his nap/sleep song, "Wheels on the Bus" 10 minutes before his wake window closes.

An action song?!?

Yeah... it works like a charm most of the time since he was two months old. I just have to figure out how long his wake window is during a particular stage in development. For instance, he's been on a 45-minute wake window for three months; this lengthened to 90 minutes, and then to 120 minutes a few months later. It's tricky to determine his wake window during the transition in wake time duration, which always ends up with tears.

"I don't like tummy time!"

Baby experts grill parents about starting tummy time as early as possible so that babies don't get a flat head and will hit their developmental milestones on time. The suggestion that skipping tummy time will lead to delayed development was enough to scare me into diligently rolling my child to his stomach each time I changed his diaper. My son, the intelligent little guy that he was back then, let it be known to the whole household that he's not pleased with what I was doing. I had to stop, eventually, because he really did not want to have anything to do with the activity. He'd play contentedly on his back and his sides for 10 minutes, though, so rolling him to his sides was what I did...

Until he figured out how to roll from back to tummy and tummy to back, two months after. Janet Lansbury was right: I shouldn't force my child into positions he won't be able to get out of. I felt like I just made him suffer when I insisted on tummy time because he'd end up knowing how to roll eventually anyway.

A baby can cry for so many other reasons, of course. But I thought that I should write down the seven reasons that I've discovered in my child so far. Perhaps it will help other parents. Writing it down has definitely helped me reflect on an aspect of my short motherhood experience.